April Fools’ Day Quiz, Justice Alito, and Baseball

Justice Sam Alito (or not?)

Today is April 1st. It’s also opening day for most baseball teams. So if you’re a Mets fan like I am, it’s an interesting happenstance, no?

But if you came here hoping for an April Fools’ Day gag, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s just a quickie quiz on Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito and baseball.

Hoaxes have simply become too complicated and difficult for me to coordinate. The last couple of years I went through hundreds of emails setting up elaborate cock-and-bull stories. In 2011 it involved a 23-blog web ring. Last year I created a new web site just to hide what I was doing with over a dozen co-conspirators, since so many people were assuming I would use this site for trickery. If I did this again, my wife would kill me. Then she would divorce my rotting carcass. Even fun has its limits.

Also, it’s nice to retire before I go stale and start putting out lame crap.

But just because I’ve retired from gags doesn’t mean I can’t bring you a modest little quiz regarding law and baseball and focusing on Justice Alito pictured here at right on a baseball card from a fantasy baseball camp.

Or maybe it’s a fake card. This is, after all, April Fools’ Day and do you really believe anything I write? I can almost see your brain cells pulsing as you look to see who will get hornswaggled.

Cheating on this poll is easy, as anyone over the age of eight can use the Google. But if you cheat, a kitten will die and someone will turn you into an anti-kitten Facebook meme that will quickly devour the web because that’s what the web does best and it would really suck for you and then your spouse, kids and siblings would divorce your dead rotting carcass. I’m sure you don’t want to test that theory.

And you know I’m right, anyway, or you wouldn’t have read this far.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the poll.

Each question has a link. The link contains the actual answer. But you have to answer the poll first before you click the links to see if you were right. It’s all about the kittens, remember? If you didn’t remember the kittens from three short paragraphs ago then you’ve got bigger problems than I can deal with here.

But cheating is also about your soul. Don’t screw with your soul, it ain’t worth it for a little quiz, and someone might scratch “cheater” on your headstone one day, and that one day will probably be April 1st just for the karmic kicks.

In this quiz, everything below is true, except for one item. Which item below is false for SCOTUS Justice Alito?

1. He once went to a Philadelphia Phillies fantasy baseball camp that produced the baseball card you see above (link)

2. He was born on April Fools’ Day (link)

3.  Because he plays in a fantasy baseball league he recused himself on a case dealing with the sale of baseball statistics to statistical services for fantasy leagues (link)

4.  There is a website that compares all Supreme Court justices to people in baseball.  John Jay, for example, is compared  to the first baseball commissioner, Kenesaw Mountain Landis. Justice Alito  is compared to flame-throwing right-hander Jonathan Papelbon, because Papelbon was supposed to be the next Roger Clemens while Alito was touted at his confirmation as the next Scalia. (Papelbon is now with Alito’s beloved Phillies.) (link)

5.  His childhood ambition was to become commissioner of baseball. (link)

Which of the above statements is false?

View Results

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You didn’t cheat, did you?


8 Responses Leave a comment

  • Mark 2013.4.1 at 14:47 | Quote

    Meh. I agree-you should have gone on on a high

  • Mark 2013.4.1 at 14:50 | Quote

    Forgot to add-I still think you’re brilliant, and i’d even say the same thing tomorrow. You write a great blog and my high expectations weren’t met. But you’re still awesome, and the best marathon ad ever.

  • Eric Turkewitz 2013.4.1 at 17:12 | Quote

    I thought I did go out on a high last year. I decided this year that, if I wasn’t going to put all the work into it, I shouldn’t do one.

  • Mark 2013.4.1 at 19:30 | Quote

    You did-last year’s post was great. I, apparently wrongfully, assumed this was another Fools post despite your saying to the contrary. No intent to cause harm and my apologies and just my desparate search for humor that you’ve done so well.

    I also thought the Google Glass post was it, but then realized it was a real post.

  • Eric Turkewitz 2013.4.1 at 19:45 | Quote

    I realized that, no matter how much I protested I had no gag, some would disbelieve me an go looking for one.

    Maybe I’ll come out of retirement next year.

  • Old Geezer 2013.4.2 at 06:56 | Quote

    You do a disservice to make Alito more appealing by revealing his baseball side. He’s another one of the plutocracy stooges on today’s Big Bench. Next you’ll be posting a picture of Scalia tickling a kitten, and Thomas, in frilled apron, baking an apple pie.

    In fact, that might have made a great 1/1/13 post.

  • Eric Turkewitz 2013.4.2 at 09:28 | Quote

    You do a disservice to make Alito more appealing by revealing his baseball side.

    Even on April 1st?

  • Old Geezer 2013.4.2 at 10:44 | Quote

    “Even on April 1st?”

    Ah, but only one of the answers was not true!

    (BTW I got it right without cheating. You can donate my winnings to your favorite charity.)

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